Day One

I read the whole book yesterday and last night. Today I decided to start reading the companion to it called Women Power. Well in this book there is questions listed for you to have your husband answer and for you to read.

Now my husband does not know anything about this book, has never read it, never even read the jacket to see what its about nada nothing no clue what it even is about.. So he comes home from work and I refrain from being an ass and try to be nice even though im tired, hungry and need a mini break from Greyson. Well that went good. Next thing i handed him the notebook with the questions wrote out in and asked him nicely to answer the question so that I could learn from his answers.

Now back to why I said he knows nothing of this book.. He answered those questions exactly as Dr. L describes what men need. The answers to his questions are simple yet its something I have been lacking providing for him. For example one question asked what he wanted from me:
answer acceptance, understanding and trust.
Another question was what changes would you like to see in your wife:
answer:
Being more open
more interested in his "stuff"
being less critical

Sounds pretty simple doesnt it? Yet somehow I cant manage to do these things for him. and who knew a MAN would want his wife to be more open.. hmmmmm I guess all that stereotyping we women do about men dont feel this and this and this is just bullshit. In fact I think men feel just fine. The problem is that we women wont let them express these feeling because to us (even though this is what we claim while we are bitching to our girlsfriends we want) we cant see our husbands as humans who have feeling because in our minds thats not manly. Somehow we want the best of both worlds. We want a husband who is masculine, yet we expect him to be one of our girlfriends. I just realized this after reading this book in which she pointed this out to me! Of course I didnt come to this conclusion on my own.... i have been taught that men are assholes with no feelings.

Women have come to want to much of a man... well dare I say women are taught to want to much of a man. Something he is not capable of giving to us yet we demand but balk at the demands that they ask of us. We expect them to do every single thing we say, yet dont give them the same treatment in return. hmm whats wrong with that?

I learned something else today:

I am a NAG, let me type that again a NAG. I looked up the definition of this word today. Here is what it means just in case you women dont know.
nag (nag)

transitive verb nagged, nag′·ging

1. to annoy by continual scolding, faultfinding, complaining, urging, etc.
2. to keep troubling, worrying, etc.

1. to urge, scold, find fault, etc. constantly
2. to cause continual discomfort, pain, etc
   

noun

a person, esp. a woman, who nags

Yep total NAG. My husband has said this to me many times and replied with im not nagging you.Well guess what babe I was. Just didnt care to admit it. So my first goal is to stop nagging my husband.

The proper care and feedings of husbands

Whats this you say? What is this non sense you are speaking of.. well its a book... by Dr. Laura Schlessinger. I have recently well say in the last month or so been talking to my friend Tracy about marriages. Tracy is one of those women who has her shit together when it comes to marriage. She is by far the best person to talk to about your marriage. In talking to her I have realized that I need to work on some things in me and then work on my marriage.

Right now in my opinion I dont have a happy marriage. Thus the reason for this book. I just picked it up today at the library along with a few other books of hers. I have to say I have read about 4 chapters and im impressed and shocked at the same time at how this book could have been written just for me. Its like she wrote it directly for me.

Im not anywhere close to the perfect wife. Im disrespectful and ungrateful to my husband. That in and of its self is mostly what makes my marriage the way it is right now. That and the fact that im bitchy, pessimistic, and a nag most of the time. Doesnt make for the best marriage. There are plenty of you out there who are just like me. In fact I think most women are like me and the women like Tracy are the exception. Im sure she has her days in her marriage just like the rest of us but I think they are few and far between and she never loses sight of the fact that her marriage is number one and she seems to know how to treat her husband.. A thing I tend to forget on a daily basis.. hell a minute basis who am i kiding.

So my quest is to improve my marriage. We are no where near the divorce thing although I have threw that term out there more than I care to admit to my husband and my friends. I use that term like its not a big deal, and try to use it as power. Im going about it the wrong way apparently as my marriage is nothing special and I say all the time how unhappy I am.

So its time to do something different. To step outside what is the norm for me, what is comfortable for me and change. I dont mean try to change my husband which I think I have tried and failed to do. I mean change myself. So this blog will be charting this progress among other things.

Now its off to read!

Husbands

I love mine. Most of the time. I just get baffled by what they consider okay behavior. farting, burping, and stinking of the house is considered part of a normal day in the life of a man. I wonder how this came to be acceptable behavior? I mean seriously how many women really enjoy these traits in a man?

I could make a list of things that Seth does to drive me absolutely crazy. and trust me it would be long. and it keeps getting longer and longer and longer everyday. I am always finding something new to mentally add to the list of shit he does that drives me bonkers. The latest being:

Waking the baby at 6am in his quest to get ready for work. Its the most annoying thing to have to deal with a screaming baby at 6am when you know that without the noise they would easy sleep till 9. BIG BIG difference between 6am and 9am dont you think? Yet my lovely husband doesnt understand why we must live in a library in order for the baby to sleep. Well tell me how many people do you know out there really can sleep when there is a ton of noise? I know there are some of you but Greyson is not one of them.

Add to the fact that for the last 3 years we have chosen to call a 36 foot 5th wheel home. This decision was made before the baby carriage ever came to mind. and needless to say was not the best decision I have ever come to with Seth. But 3 years ago we had just lost a baby and decided that if we were going to continue doing the work my husband loves it was the best way to go. At the time it fit and now not so much.

So now you can see how Greyson cant sleep through your everyday noise... ummm could it be because his room is the dining room which is directly or basically in the kitchen/living room? Yeah umm that might be it..

Now it seems everyday I find something new to hate about living in the RV and cant wait until the day comes when we can move out. Which is slowly coming up. Thankfully.

And since someone might be curious how we manage to live in an RV with a one year old. Well here you go. Here is his room aka dining room :)

My sons first haircut.

Well it was time. His hair has been getting longer and longer and it was time to stop pretending we were hippies. So today my 13month old got his very first hair cut and im sad about it. He no longer looks like my little baby but instead is turned into this little boy. Who knew that hair could do that? Cause I sure didnt.

I of course wanted to take him some place special that made a huge ordeal of out the fact that for the first time ever his hair would be cut. My husband on the other hand not so much. He wanted to just go to wal-mart and have it done. Well guess who won.. .....

The husband. Only because the special place was almost a 40mintue drive from where we live and I could hear it now about how far we were going just to get his hair cut. I envisioned him sitting in the special little car (even though he screams when I have tried to do this at wal-mart), smiling and laughing at me while getting his hair cut. In reality it went like this...

We got there and the girl who was to cut his hair said oh just sit him in the chair. At that moment I wanted to walk out because I thought there is no way this girl knows what she is doing if she thinks a one year old is just going to sit in that big chair all by him self and stay there. Right? I mean seriously who thinks that?

Instead I said he wont sit there and told his daddy to sit down and hold him while I tried to destract him and pray that my child doesn't come out with a huge gap out of the side of his head.

All i can say is thank god for cheerios and puffs because I held open the snack bag while he worried about stuffing his face instead of what was happening on his head. So it went off without a hitch except one ear is cut a tad shorter than the other side but hardly noticeable unless your the mom :)

I am very sad that he now looks like a big boy instead of the little baby with the hippie hair that I took in there. But you know what? He could care less...funny how that works

my intro

I have many things I think I would like to say and what better place than a blog. Everyone blogs now right?

A little about me. I am almost 26, I have been married almost 3 years but we have been together for 7, I have 2 sons one who passed on at 23 weeks pregnancy, and the love of my life Greyson who just turned one in July.

This blog will be about the life of a mom, a wife and most important a women. Seriously who ever thought that being all three of these things was easy? I know you have heard of it or know someone who pretends to have it all......but let me tell you they are lying. Its just not possible. Its hard work to join the roles of each of these women we must become or better yet are expected to become.

Since we stay at home we are expected to do it all. The endless list of things that must get done is ever ending. There is always something new to add to my to do list. Everyday a new items appears on the already 10 pages that I need to start checking off.

Im sure you can relate. So this blog is my attempt to share my view of mommy,wife, and woman with everyone. It will be random posts on my daily life and just whatever is on my mind. This should be interesting.