Day One

I read the whole book yesterday and last night. Today I decided to start reading the companion to it called Women Power. Well in this book there is questions listed for you to have your husband answer and for you to read.

Now my husband does not know anything about this book, has never read it, never even read the jacket to see what its about nada nothing no clue what it even is about.. So he comes home from work and I refrain from being an ass and try to be nice even though im tired, hungry and need a mini break from Greyson. Well that went good. Next thing i handed him the notebook with the questions wrote out in and asked him nicely to answer the question so that I could learn from his answers.

Now back to why I said he knows nothing of this book.. He answered those questions exactly as Dr. L describes what men need. The answers to his questions are simple yet its something I have been lacking providing for him. For example one question asked what he wanted from me:
answer acceptance, understanding and trust.
Another question was what changes would you like to see in your wife:
answer:
Being more open
more interested in his "stuff"
being less critical

Sounds pretty simple doesnt it? Yet somehow I cant manage to do these things for him. and who knew a MAN would want his wife to be more open.. hmmmmm I guess all that stereotyping we women do about men dont feel this and this and this is just bullshit. In fact I think men feel just fine. The problem is that we women wont let them express these feeling because to us (even though this is what we claim while we are bitching to our girlsfriends we want) we cant see our husbands as humans who have feeling because in our minds thats not manly. Somehow we want the best of both worlds. We want a husband who is masculine, yet we expect him to be one of our girlfriends. I just realized this after reading this book in which she pointed this out to me! Of course I didnt come to this conclusion on my own.... i have been taught that men are assholes with no feelings.

Women have come to want to much of a man... well dare I say women are taught to want to much of a man. Something he is not capable of giving to us yet we demand but balk at the demands that they ask of us. We expect them to do every single thing we say, yet dont give them the same treatment in return. hmm whats wrong with that?

I learned something else today:

I am a NAG, let me type that again a NAG. I looked up the definition of this word today. Here is what it means just in case you women dont know.
nag (nag)

transitive verb nagged, nag′·ging

1. to annoy by continual scolding, faultfinding, complaining, urging, etc.
2. to keep troubling, worrying, etc.

1. to urge, scold, find fault, etc. constantly
2. to cause continual discomfort, pain, etc
   

noun

a person, esp. a woman, who nags

Yep total NAG. My husband has said this to me many times and replied with im not nagging you.Well guess what babe I was. Just didnt care to admit it. So my first goal is to stop nagging my husband.

The proper care and feedings of husbands

Whats this you say? What is this non sense you are speaking of.. well its a book... by Dr. Laura Schlessinger. I have recently well say in the last month or so been talking to my friend Tracy about marriages. Tracy is one of those women who has her shit together when it comes to marriage. She is by far the best person to talk to about your marriage. In talking to her I have realized that I need to work on some things in me and then work on my marriage.

Right now in my opinion I dont have a happy marriage. Thus the reason for this book. I just picked it up today at the library along with a few other books of hers. I have to say I have read about 4 chapters and im impressed and shocked at the same time at how this book could have been written just for me. Its like she wrote it directly for me.

Im not anywhere close to the perfect wife. Im disrespectful and ungrateful to my husband. That in and of its self is mostly what makes my marriage the way it is right now. That and the fact that im bitchy, pessimistic, and a nag most of the time. Doesnt make for the best marriage. There are plenty of you out there who are just like me. In fact I think most women are like me and the women like Tracy are the exception. Im sure she has her days in her marriage just like the rest of us but I think they are few and far between and she never loses sight of the fact that her marriage is number one and she seems to know how to treat her husband.. A thing I tend to forget on a daily basis.. hell a minute basis who am i kiding.

So my quest is to improve my marriage. We are no where near the divorce thing although I have threw that term out there more than I care to admit to my husband and my friends. I use that term like its not a big deal, and try to use it as power. Im going about it the wrong way apparently as my marriage is nothing special and I say all the time how unhappy I am.

So its time to do something different. To step outside what is the norm for me, what is comfortable for me and change. I dont mean try to change my husband which I think I have tried and failed to do. I mean change myself. So this blog will be charting this progress among other things.

Now its off to read!